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The Joys of Art

Friday, October 31, 2003

My Toot toot...

Don't mess with my Toot-Toot
Don't you mess with my Toot-Toot
You can have the other woman
But don't mess with my Toot-Toot

She was born in her birth suit
The doctor slapped her behind (whack!)
He said "You're gonna be special"
My sweet little Toot-Toot

Now you can look as much
But if you much as touch
You're gonna have yourself a case
I'm gonna break your face

So don't mess with my Toot-Toot
Don't you mess with my Toot-Toot
You can have the other woman
But don't mess with my Toot-Toot

Fais pas ca

Had three boiled crabs before I went to work....I love blue crabs....Today I got much accomplished....I bought a cake and a card for my daddy after I got off from work which was late in the hour...Someone bought me a shrimp pistolette... I think (rather I know) that I like the crawfish pistolettes better...

Lawd!!! Two Boiled crabs won't fill me up!!!!

I need to microwave some jambalaya.....It's almost 1 a.m.... I thank God everyday I am back home....I changed my name back to my maiden name today...Women quit giving up a significant part of yourselves in order to please men....And when it involves denying race and culture it is definitely not worth the loss....That reminds me of a guy who wanted me to move where he currently lives (if he still has a house)....He would always pick on the South...He sees Southern culture as being backwards and slow....Now his city and surrounding towns are on fire in California....

Crawfish season in about four more weeks!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!!! October 31st is my father's birthday...

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Life is Good....

I was a fool to ever think that I could find something better....The people here in Louisiana are so authentic--unlike the "phony city" where there is an incessant need to talk shit in Spanish behind others backs since they can't understand it anyway....Every day I awake I am glad that I moved back to Louisiana....What a truly diverse state we have here....I do love North Carolina also and I would love to go back there to live also....NC thanks for being there during the low times of my divorce when I had to drive two round trips in 17 days (over 6,000 miles) for divorce/custody hearings....North Carolina rocks!!! Now time for my seafood (crawfish and shrimp) gumbo .... C'est bon!!!

Sunday, October 26, 2003

I love Halloween as it is is a time for creativity and I kinda believe in Ghosts...I bet ten dollars that the middle school I went to as a child is haunted...I have been all alone behind that school by myself and I have heard what sounded like someone else there with me walking around...My little brother says that he has experienced the same thing concerning the middle school...As some of you might notice that my creative energy takes a dive around late October and doesn't really pick up again until around February....

Saturday, October 25, 2003


I'll post what I want to....You would blog too if this happened to you....Everything happens for a reason and a season....

There is a cold front coming through....Today is McNeese's homecoming... It is a rainy, wet, soggy day....I need to start looking to buying clothes for the winter....

Thursday, October 23, 2003

The Prodigal Daughter...

It feels DAMN GOOD to be home again....What a horrible time I have had living in the "phony city"....Word to the wise and significant: "Never give up anything that you can't afford to give away..."Damn Messicans....

Hey Yahoo!!! Where do you get the girly men from??? Are they imported??? On a lighter note: I am going to Belize and Cozumel in November.....Life is good!!!

With My Biznass please don't mess!!!
Sigh...I need a vacation to Cozumel and Belize very badly....STRESS!!! I am starting to let nerds on Yahoo upset me again and I told myself that I wasn't going to bring Sodom or Gomorrah with me when I fled the "city"....Seven fun filled days aboard a cruise ship....I plan to spend all seven sipping on some champagne (or some "henny"..LOL...like they serve "henny" on cruise ships)....24-hour pizza catering?!!!
OMG...My son and little brother are going to love that....

Don't start none...Won't be none...My son and I deserve this cruise ( my daddy is paying for it...:o) ) after being held down....I was physically held down (restrained) with my ex-sister-in-law last Sunday trying to tell me that I couldn't leave town with my son....Messicans are so hung up on their Hispanic last names and they act like you become (or should become) Hispanic just because you marry into their family...Hell the phucking LO!!! I was born and raised in Louisiana!!! My mother's family's last name was Lavigne!!! Mental note: Give the Messicans back their last name....They act like you are just borrowing it anyway.....Yeah my son's people acted like they can go contrary to my divorce decree and custody papers and keep me in the "phony city"....(Can you say "tribal-minded"??)...I should have filed charges of assault, battery, false-imprisonment or something of that nature....Antehoo...After me calling cops I am glad the cops saw through the madness (after I spilled the family's skeletons out of the closet--they love this kinda drama anyway--I could have talked for days---I just gave them (my son's people) what they wanted and I gave my finest performance....I had been ready to scream this stuff to the world and that is just what I did--bet they won't F with me NO moe)...I had to stay until the next because they told the police I had drank a beer and I couldn't leave until the next morning....Yeah... Like it takes a beer from 3 pm Sunday until 7 am Monday to leave your system...The nerve of that HO calling me an unfit mother to the police...It was not the first time that she called me unfit...When I was divorcing her brother he had his whole family in San Antonio write notorized statements about me calling me unfit....And you wonder why their own mother left their dad...They do hateful stuff just he did (such as snatching kids from school in Houston) when his wife left him.....I might have changed my mind and stayed but when I called my mother on the phone to tell her that I was coming home to Louisiana she got on the phone and started arguing with my mother and she tells my mother that she'd better not call her mother's house again (in Houston)...SHE DOESN'T EVEN SPEAK TO HER MOTHER...SHE CUSSED AT HER MOTHER THE WEEKEND OF MY SON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY IN HOUSTON AND SHE LEFT CRYING, RANTING AND RAVING AND WENT BACK TO SAN ANTONIO... SHE HAS NOT EVEN SPOKEN TO HER MOTHER SINCE THAT DAY....HER MOTHER HAS SINCE THAT DAY TAKEN ILL AND WAS HOSPITALIZED...THE DOCTORS TOLD HER THAT SHE WOULD REQUIRE AN OXYGEN TANK FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE...SEE WHAT KIND OF MESS I MARRIED INTO?!!! I was not down for her disrespecting my mother....They can play those little sick games in their family if they want to but the buck stops right there when it comes to my family...The next day I was on my merry way to Louisiana..... Now to change my last name and residency back.....And when I get on that cruise ship I am going to have a beer EVERYDAY in celebration of leaving SAN ANTONIO....I DON'T REGRET LEAVING....

Oh louisiana, louisiana
They’re trying to wash us away, they're trying to wash us away
Oh louisiana, oh louisiana
They’re trying to wash us away, oh lord, they’re trying to wash us away
They’re trying to wash us away, they’re trying to wash us away
(Aaron Neville [ Randy Newman] - Louisiana 1927)

Diversity is the key....

Everyone knows that I can't stand tribalism....

Monday, October 20, 2003

I re-live in Louisiana Now....

I will neither apologize nor censor......

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Uncle Sam
(Tevin Campbell )

I'm your nephew, yes it's true oh can't you hear me Uncle Sam
Can I sit upon your bended knee just like the other man?
Didn't I die in Vietnam and didn't I march in Birmingham?
I'm your nephew, yes it's true oh can't you hear me Uncle Sam

Didn't I sail the water against my every will?
Didn't I fetch that water when your bucket needed a refill?
Where was all the water when the fire was burning up the cross?
I'm your nephew too it's true oh hear me, Mr Boss


Didn't I get all A's in school, yes I did now Uncle Sam
My books did not have covers on 'em still I did the best I can
Now how come I can't get no job, I just don't understand
Don't you love me anymore, why can't you tell me Uncle Sam


I've lived the life a citizen's supposed to
So why I gotta be the illegitimate nephew
Remember me, Uncle Sam? I fought your war
And went all out not knowing what I was fighting for
Sam? Why'd you let them rape my great grandmother?
Then go to the oak tree and hang her brother
When Abe was slaving there wasn't a fuss
So where was you when they was in my yard burning the cross?
Do you love me or what, Uncle Sam, what is it?
You wanna maim me, you claim the grand wizard?
Let that pass and marched for a just cause
Then got uncivilized rights with unenforced laws
Passed your curriculum got a diploma
And can't get a job 'cause my skin has colour
You say things have changed between now and then
Now, I wanna know the difference between me and him?


Thank you Bill Clinton for awarding Congressional Medals of Honor to deserving minority veterans who were over looked by this country during past World Wars and other conflicts ...You are indeed a good man...

Paris 1798430
(Tevin Campbell)



ebony american heart torn in two
watching his soul disappear with no trace or clue
a brother got lost livin' for the city
takin dope from the man
ain't nowhere to run when it's from uncle sam.

paris1798430 my soul's in hiding
that's where a brotha be hidin til he get his due
paris1798430 my soul's in hiding
gimme a call when we can live as large as you do.

tears spill out in anger our black is now blue
our blood can be spilled as well but it will not make the news unless we're
taken out one by one for the wrongs we have done
what else can you live by if you die by the gun? BANG


Verse 3:
so you know his mother will raise him you know like the best she can.
and uh you know it could have been much easier you know if she had like another
man. and uh it's kinda hard being happy you know livin on hopes and good luck
and uh it's kinda hard having pride when you ain't got bucks.

my soul's in hiding
my soul's in hiding
oh my soul's in hiding
when a baby cries, you know i envy his tears, so little does he know of the
ignorance and fear that will divide us until we are willing to change, until
the cup that we drink from is the very same.
my soul will be hiding
my soul will be hiding
hiding (hinding), hiding
that's where a brotha be hidin til he get his due (yeah yeah yeah)
give me a call (gimme a call when we can live as large as you do)
i will listen (paris1798430) i will listen
(repeat til fades)

Saturday, October 18, 2003

This song has been on my mind for weeks and I had to take time to Blog it.....I LOVE BLOGGING!!! Reading weblogs (Blogs for the slow folk) rocks also!!! Here it goes....


Africa is my descent
and here I'm far from home
I dwell within a land that's meant
meant for many men not my tone

The blood of god is my defense
let it drop down 2 my seed
showers 2 your innocense
2 protect U for all eternity
and with this wood I beat this drum
and we won't see defeat

From kings 2 queens becomes a prince
knowledge wisdom is
understanding what we need

Ever since the day U came
my whole world began 2 change
I knew then 2 dedicate my life,
4 your own
everyday I see U grow
and remember what U already know
I receive the love
that radiates from your glow

From which U came was love
and that's how it all should be
U and my soul are 1
through all the time and history

Cutie with a booty.....Or "The sins of the Fathers" revisited

I think the Indian guy who works at the corner store has the hots for me.....He likes the "junk in the trunk"...He wants me to take him to Louisiana one day when I go....LOL...I barely know the guy....If he wants to gamble, drink beer, and eat some good seafood (over 75 percent of my diet--I eat a lot of seafood) then he is all right with me to hang out with (only)...That is all...

I married out of my race and ethnic group and that has me very "once bitten--twice shy nowdays"....All my ex-husband's Black girlfriends from Louisiana ended up hating his guts...I am at a extreme dislike of him at the moment--well since 1997 to be exact...The audacity of him bringing me home to his family who made me feel unwanted in their home when I first went there... I was called names (such as Black dog), the N word was used and even their big black dog was referred to as "Black girl" that night (and on later occassions)....I had to stay up until after 2 am listening to people calling me names and railing about Blacks and interracial relationships involving Blacks all night....Never no mind that I possessed a college degree and these guests were strung out druggies who did speed and probably didn't even graduate high school...I have never even tried speed or marijuana for that matter....

Of the two guests one was White (female) and the other Mexican (male) and they talked shit all night about the evils of interracial relationships also (never mind that the Mexican and the White girl were dating each other--Mexicans and Whites are all "hunky dorry with each now"???)..That was very scary....This is what Blacks (women) have to put up with all the time over here...

On another occasion (back in 1999 after being divorced and returning to SA via military assignment) I was dating this White guy who looked just like Tom Cruise (Pat was perfect for me)...He was told by Mexicans at the club where he was a bartender that Whites and Mexicans shouldn't be dating Blacks....That attitude of the people around here was one of the reasons he left SA and went back to Kansas.... Unless you are a military Black man-- then your money is as good as the rest and they will pretty much welcome you into the fold.....Black women keep crying and lamenting...

At one time this city boasted five military establishments.....Don't think they will outright bite off the hand that feeds them--that military economy...He (the ex) didn't even stick up for me at all that night I had to hold my own with the help from my brother-in-law's girlfriend Vivian....She has a Black sister-in-law also..I haven't seen her and my niece since 1996....My niece Emily must be about 12 now...The moral of the story: Don't ever marry out of your race or ethnic group to a "punk ass"...

I don't think the other Black girls went through the same in that I don't think they ever went over to his family's house....I am almost positive they didn't go there...But I was warned by his friend (a female sergeant in the Army) that his family was racist and my ex and his family never really associated with Blacks while growing up (his sister married into a redneck racist Mexican family...Yes there are lots of redneck racist Mexican families in San Antonio!!!

I was outside listening to a redneck White man and a Mexican guy drink Coronas and talk....The White guy was lamenting on how his girlfriend was hiding money from him--sounds like a C&W song doesn't it....They talked and drank for 15 minutes and then the Messican guy said "Hey man I am going upstairs...I have to take a shit".....I was the only female of the three people present outside and I was less than 20 feet away from them....Disgusting....I have so much disdain for San Antonio....These low-lives feel that they don't have to respect us....I bet he would have never said around a Mexican or White woman...And you wonder why SAN ANTONIO IS SUCH A TURNOFF TO BLACK WOMEN!!! ( Thank God I am leaving really soon.... ) They don't believe that Mexicans and Whites should marry Blacks... They even sound redneckish....Yes folks the Mexicans have "arrived"!!!) Black folks know what I mean by the term "arrive".....

Like a typical woman I thought I could change people's behavior to the point of even marrying into the situation.....The only people who were changed were me and my son--for the worse...I am a bitter shell of a person than I was before 1993...Back then I was much more happy and idealistic...It was idealism that brought me to their house in the first place...My son is frustrated and is having a hard time coping with the disappointment, coldness and detachment that occurs on his father's side of the family.....

My son's own great-grandfather gave his six kids away after his wife died in childbirth along with the seventh child...This man got away with what he did because he was extremely handsome and had a lot of Spanish (European) features...Yes...I have seen pictures of him.. This same man went on to re-marry and have nine more kids....This same man also owned a lot of land which he lost through gambling which we now know today as "Hemisfair Plaza" in San Antonio (SMH--pitiful!!!)....Yes his descendants could be wealthy right now....Hemisfair Plaza!!! Too bad you can't slap dead people!!!

I find it hard to believe in a so called "judgement"...How can you even judge people when a lot of the shit they do has a lasting effect on their descendants??? I mean my sister-in-law is still bitter concerning her grandfather and her father...Her grandfather is dead but not her father (my son's grandfather)...What does God do in these situations??? Take them out of some place and make them suffer when one of their descendants feels pain related to the sins of the relative that was committed when the relative was alive on earth??? Take for example if a relative is burning in Hell or even chilling in Heaven for that matter does God take him and put him into solitary confinement in the lower pits of Hell when a relative feels pain for some shit their daddy or granddaddy did while alive??? How does that work???

My sister -in-law refers to her grandfather as "a fucking ass-hole" and she downright hates her dad...My son's grandfather grew up as a homeless thug of a kid (his dad gave them away remember--he was the oldest child of the six) before joining the military at age 17 even after experiencing all of this in his youth he is still very cold, distant, and detached in his dealings with his own kids and grandkids--not to mention he is still bitter towards his wife who moved to Houston over 25 years ago....She said the man put her through hell....Pure drama in this family people......Sigh....When one marries into this family they can't help but get caught up in the drama.....

To this day my son and I are not really accepted in this family....Even my nieces and nephews don't call me "Aunt".....This makes for awkward situations because I don't know how to address relatives.....It just feels so weird.....

Next go around I am marrying White (like I should have done from the beginning) but only if his family is willing to accept me....I am not going through this drama, rejection, and coldness again!!! Most likely I am going to marry a Cajun....Maybe it is better if I just stuck to my own kind.....

Friday, October 17, 2003

"Tribalism and eugenics....The world done gone bad...."--me

I will expound on this later this evening...(post and publish)

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

The Sins of the Fathers are indeed visited upon the Children...

Lousy family members creating pain for their children and grandchildren....At this moment I don't think that I don't want to have anymore kids....It is not easy being a single mother raising a child with basically NO help--and I haven't even gotten into the "teenage years"...It takes a village, a decent family and a whole lot of work to rise a child and there are a lot of pathetic people who don't even deserve the chance at destroying the lives of children and young adults....All it takes is for just one person NOT doing their part (ie deadbeat, pitiful, pathetic dads) and the work is just that much harder...I can see why Kenya shudders at the thought of being some child's mother...Everytime something goes wrong it is the mother that has to internalize everything....Some women out there seem to be a "glutton for punishment"....They can't seem to right the "car" out of the "skid"...They keep having these kids for these deadbeats and nothing ever changes...

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Never give up anything that you can't afford to lose...

If what you are willing to give up causes you or someone else pain, suffering, grief and setback, then you can't afford to give it up....How many people become shells of themselves after entering relationships?!! Even women such as Halle Berry, J-Lo, Elizabeth Hurley, Vanessa Bryant, and Uma Thurman suffer these troubles... We allow these people liberty to just take all we have to give...Women are especially guilty of this...We allow men to drain us of our finances, abuse us and the kids, rob us of our culture, rape our culture, rob us of our sense of self worth and put us and our children into abject poverty***...It is not worth it....Some people are not worthy of passing down their genes...All we do is go out and have affairs (out of frustration) and still stay with losers like they will change...They won't....Drop these zeroes and go on and live productive lives...These people are not EVEN WORTHY OF SEX!!!We all make mistakes in life but when people go out of their way to make others lives miserable (and yes there are many who are deliberately out to do this--due to stupidity and/or defective genes) then they should be avoided like the Black Plague...The community and the court system needs to do something more to see that women and children are not victimized to the extent that they are in the UNITED STATES...Too many times these men go on to manipulate the mothers of their kids and thus creating a vicisous cycle in which both the women and children are victimized...How many women are out there raising kids and and are allowing their deadbeat baby daddies to live with them for free because they have to work nights and they have no support network to help watch their kids?!!! Plenty!!! Pitiful!!! Some people don't need to breed...Ladies quit feeling sorry for these deadbeats and don't allow them to pass their seeds through you in the first place...It is never to late to get rid of that baggage though...They will get the message..No I am not anti-men..I am anti dead-beat daddy and anti loser-man....The most poweful message is to deny these type of people access to sexual gratifiction...If people would scrutinize and pass the word down concerning such losers in life then you will see a complete repentance of the "dregs of society"...

***The writer Ellen Schwann quotes a statement made by her husband, the late Harold Brodkey: "Harold used to say that a lot of men steal from women. They steal bits of their souls, bits of their personalities, to construct an emotional life, which many men don't have." [p 192]
Henry Louis Gates, Jr., "The Passing of Anatole Broyard." In Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Black Man. New York: Random House, 1997. Pp. 180-214.

Thursday, October 02, 2003


1. Leavin'--Tony! Toni! Tone!

2. Pine Grove Blues (AKA) "Ma Negresse"--Nathan Abshire